


Tadaima

by Raiinmo



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash Lynx Loves Okumura Eiji, Banana Fish Angst Week 2019, Banana Fish Fluff Week 2019, Bottom Okumura Eiji, M/M, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:13:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25095157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raiinmo/pseuds/Raiinmo
Summary: Eiji decided to live for Ash. And when the time comes, he followed him.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Main Character (The Royal Romance)/Original Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a 4 episode mini fic. Will upload weekly. Enjoy.

I get off from the airline bus and that’s how I came back home.

Took a big breath in, secretly looked for a different scent than we had in America. There was nothing noticeable.

But I somehow sensed the steam of the rice and warmth of the green tea.

Of course, it could be just in my head.

But even though I thought I won’t feel comfortable in my own state, I couldn’t ignore the warm weather’s welcome awakening my longing for home.

It wasn’t even warm, it was snowing.

But I felt the warmth coming from the lands itself.

It has been a long time.

Called for a cap and gave the directions for my apartment. Neither my family nor Mr. Abe knew I was back.

It’s not that I didn’t want to see them. I guess I didn’t want a big loud welcome as soon as I step in my own country. I knew they would be so enthusiastic about it if they heard about it which made me feel accompanied and happy usually.

But that time, I just wanted to come back and keep up with my regular life just like I never been gone.

Rest my forehead on the window, looked at the sky who was blessing the ground with snowflakes. 

The glass was cold, giving out how cold it was outside. Inside the cap was warm and the soft sound of air-con was making me want to sleep. I felt tired after that long flight.

I knew I was happy to be here again.

But at the same time, I felt dizzy to leave New York.

I felt like I was moving without a part of mine. 

Was it because I was so away from where he was now?

Maybe. No, probably.

It was the first time me coming back to Japan after Aki’s visit. It had been 5 years after that. Even though Aki came to America to visit again, I’ve never been to Japan since then.

I was way to away from Cape Town now. I was way to away from New York.

I was way to away from my dawn.

I was way to away from him.

The cap was warm but I suddenly felt cold inside.

My mother land’s warmth was still there, supporting my stability.

But I still felt uneasy.

Like I was moving without my heart.

Leaving it in my apartment in America.

Why I was so sensitive? If I’ve been asked this question to Sing, he would probably answer it’s because I was an artist. I never understand his logic but his words made me laugh anyway.

Maybe I should have at least bring him along.

He was the best support for this.

I once told him if this person whose absence was making me shiver was my sun, Sing was my star.

He asked why star.

I answered because there were stars in the Chinese flag. And he laughed.

Then he said what I said was quite right.

There are many stars.

But there is only one star.

The only thing that I hoped was Sing to know he was my favorite star.

My sky would be empty without him.

Just like how empty it was when there was no sun.

No sun meant no morning, no warmth, no peace. Was this the reason why I was cold due to air-con working?

My fingertips were slightly shaking.

I must see miserable. Like I was cold and needed someone to cover me with a blanket. Not like an adult but like a child. 19 years old.

I wanted to be 19 years old again.

I wanted to be naive and bright.

I wanted to ask for that gun one more time. I wanted to jump over a wall again. Fly like a bird like I had wings on my light body.

I wanted to watch dawn falling asleep just to wake up tomorrow with a sleepy face. And wake him up since no one dares to but me. 

I wanted to hear him speak Japanese like a kindergarten kid so he can greet people here. Live without needing a gun.

My throat was hurting. Like someone was slowly choking me. 

I wanted to be a young man again.

I wanted to witness that young man’s life again.

I wanted to live again.

I wanted to reset everything. So I won’t write that letter, get up and run to that library just like he wanted to run towards me. One more time, I would hug him and let him know I’m not going anywhere. 

I would go to hell with him.

I would go to heaven with him.

I would go anywhere, so he won’t be alone, I won’t be alone.

We would be together.

I wanted to live again.

Love again.

Maybe it was the right time to shout at the driver and make him drive back to the airport. Go back to the place where my heart belongs.

But I couldn’t. I guess my eyes got closed so my tears won’t be seen.

It was better. That deep darkness calmed me.

I let myself float there for a while. A deep, silent place to calm me after that silent panic attack.

It wasn’t something I had but I guess being away from home triggered me.

I messed my own hair to courage myself. It didn’t work much but it was okay. I smiled at the sound of air-con like it was talking to me.

As long as I’m working, I will do my best to keep you warm.

That’s what I heard.

I took deep breaths to relax my lungs.

Hugged me to feel better.

Needed to be calm and balanced.

Like Sing said, be the peace you need.

Surely he knew a lot of things.

When he said that, I noted that I will be my own peace like he said.

Until the day I took my sun back into my arms, I will be peaceful with the people I care about, the world I live in.

I promised that long ago. Maybe a 5 years ago.

And now, five years later than that, I heard the cap’s tire blowing out.

It wasn’t transparent. Rather sounded like it was coming from far away.

Then I heard the barriers on the road fall down as the car crashed to them.

Then I felt light. Light like I was flying.

I couldn’t see what was making me feel like that, my eyes were still closed.

But I felt like my body was touching the clouds.

I no longer felt cold or warm.

I felt light. The darkness slowly faded out and turned into white light.

And I flew high, just like I was 19 again.

•


	2. Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy ^^

I felt light.   
Like someone kindly grabbed me and lift to the sky until I feel the warmth of the sun.

Like having a warm shower with light drops or swimming in a sea of light.  
I wasn’t breathing but my chest was so relieved. More than the times I breathed. I was feeling everything, to the single strand to the toes. Even my eyes were feeling the light’s warmth.

Where was I?  
Not in the cap. I was so far away from that.

I didn’t know if my eyes were open or not. I assume they were since I felt them. But I couldn’t blink. Just flowing in the light with dimmed eyes. Waiting so peacefully as I can stay like this many hours. Not that I think we had hours here.  
I tried to speak. But seems like my voice was no longer here. I wanted to reach but there was nothing to reach for.

‘Child. Who are you?’ I heard a voice.  
Who was this? Why this voice was putting my heart at ease? Like putting a paper boat on a puddle. Voice almost reached out for me and patted my head. It was strong but kind.  
Asking me who am I, this voice must know it right. It was asking me if I was aware of who I am.

Who am I? I don’t know why but only one answer popped to my head.  
I knew only one thing to say.

‘I’m Ash’ I said in a weak voice.  
‘Who is Ash?’ The voice asked again.  
Again, asking for awareness. And again, I only had one answer.

‘He is me’ I smiled. Smiled to that voice I couldn’t see. It didn’t answer.   
But somehow I knew it was also smiling at me. How? I don’t know.  
I didn’t know anything at all.   
I knew who I was. And the voice also knew that.

Where was I? Doesn’t matter.  
I felt so relieved. Something was telling me that I no longer needed to shiver.  
And I wasn’t. 

The sea of light slowly formed into something different. Colours came into my sight. They were dancing and painting the beautiful blank warmth without showing the tiniest bit of hesitance. I watched them mixing together, floating, and becoming something bigger.  
It was like watching a land’s birth. The colours slowly came closer, cover the ground and sky.  
The ground becomes lively, the sky becomes blue.

Movements of colours got slower and they finally stopped. I was landed.  
This was the place I had a house in Cape Town.  
As I realized that, I felt excited.  
My heart got it’s lively being back, I was breathing again. I looked around, everything was the same as the place I had time. The place I told Aki about Ash. The place I told Sing that he was a star. It was the same. The wind was petting the leaves of trees, the sun was kindly feeding the earth.  
Just like it is.

I looked around. Walked, run.  
If everything was like back then, maybe...Even if a little chance, maybe... I run until I felt my own body again.  
Then I couldn’t hold it and shouted.

‘Ash!’ Nothing was there.  
I felt panicking. The calmness I just had was no longer there.  
My heart was pounding like crazy again. I got teary.

‘Ash!’ If this was my end, I didn’t want it. If he wasn’t here with me in the end, I didn’t want it. I lived this long keeping his memories, I at least had to feel him again. I didn’t need an end where he didn’t exist.

If I wasn’t with him when he was alive, please at least let me be with him in death. Let our souls company each other, please.  
I fell on my knees and start to cry like a kid lost his mother. I felt tired, lost.  
Dead. After hearing that crash, after being here, this was the first time I felt dead.

Just like that day.   
Then, I heard something.

‘Eiji!’ This voice was calling me.  
I felt the blood in my veils got cold.  
My heart was pumping blood like a monster. I was about to die again.  
I get up shaking, looking at the way where the voice was coming.

And I saw ash blonde hair, two beautiful emerald eyes, and that beautiful face.  
That was the face I saw in my dreams nonstop. Sometimes it was a dream about the times we had, sometimes it was a nightmare about the day I lost him. No matter what was it, I always prayed and thanked thinking how lucky I am to still see him in my dreams.  
The pictures I took, the dreams I saw and memories of myself...nothing fulfilled the feeling of seeing his face with my own eyes.  
And now, it was there.  
Looking at me, just a few feet away with tears of joy.  
Just like mine. Our different coloured, shaped eyes looked at each other.

I walked, run towards him like my life was on the line.  
He stands there, looking at me with pain and sorrow mixed with happiness.  
I run as wild as my sportsman days.  
His existence was making me feel younger like I already am here.

I run and reached him. ‘Ash!’  
And took him into my arms.

It was like hugging the sun without burning. His tall body was under my fingertips again. His smell was right under my nose, filling my lungs like air and his fair touching my face like sun strays. He started to cry silently, I heard him. After all those years without him, I didn’t want to miss a single sound he made. He was in my arms but I wanted to hug him tighter.  
I wanted to touch him and feel him until I pass out. All I wanted was to love him while he pours his sorrow. The sorrow he carried for years.  
The weight of New York on his young shoulders. I had to hold him tight like he was the only person standing.

My dearest one, the one I gave my soul.  
The one I couldn’t protect even though I was ready to die for him. My dawn and sun, the one I yearned for a life.  
Hold him until my ribs broke.  
Let him feel this helpless love for him.  
He was the one who was the most precious. The one I loved more than the world I lived in. 

Holding him like this, I was scared that he will disappear suddenly.  
I buried my hand into his soft blonde hair while he kept crying to my chest.  
I didn’t stop him, my heart was there to hold his pain.  
I was here for him.  
Never gonna let him go away again.

‘Ash I’m here!’ I said between my thin tears. Hugged him tighter, hold him closer.

‘I’m here. I’m with you. I missed you so much! Look at you! You’re here with me!’ I was talking nonsense.

‘Eiji!’ He cried.

‘Shhh. I’m here! I’m here! My most dear one, I’m here! Not going anywhere, not gonna let you go anywhere’ I kissed his temples and he shivered. Snuggled harder like he wanted to hide his bigger body to me.

‘No one is going to take you away from me! No one is going to hurt you! You’re free Ash, I’m coming with you’

‘It was so cold here! I... I couldn’t find you! How...how are you here? What happened to you? Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?! How are you here?! Are you scared?’

‘How could I scare if you’re here?’ I laughed hard.  
‘I’m fine. I’m here with you, not going anywhere! We’re together’

‘Why did you die?!’ He asked like he was mentioning something so painful.  
‘You needed to live longer! I missed you so bad! So bad but why are you here?!’

I lost it and started to cry just like him.  
‘It was my time Ash. It was my time to come to you. I’m not sad, I’m happy’

‘No, don’t cry’ He finally put some distance between us and cleaned my face from tears with his long finger.  
I kept looking at his face, the features I missed enough to go crazy.  
More tears come along with it.

‘Don’t cry! I don’t want you to feel pain! I missed you! I missed you so much, I cried so much! But I was happy that you were alive and safe’

I giggled with the opposite things he said and rested my forehead on his. He grabbed my face carefully and I grabbed his. Touching, drawing circles on each other’s cheeks like we are piercing our souls to each other.  
It was beautiful.

‘Did you live well?’ He asked more calmly.

‘Yeah, I did. Your memories helped me’ I explained. ‘I was happy by living, now I’m happy by being here with you’

‘Good. I was anxious that I messed your life’ He started to whisper kindly. Kept touching our skins and caressing our hair. All these took a long time to do.  
Now I was finally feeling him again.

‘I missed you my dawn’ I also whispered. ‘I missed you so much’

‘Were you angry at me?’ He asked with fear.

‘No. I wasn’t. I was only scared that I didn’t know how to deal with your death. I was never mad’ And this was the truth.

After fondling every corner of my face and hair, he put a little distance between us. Looked at my face then put his lips on mine.  
I felt the happiness flowing into my heart from his lips. Our nose touching, hands holding our faces and lips touching like bounding our bodies again.  
I felt like I was about to explode.

He let me go but keep me close. I wanted to close my eyes but didn’t want to miss him again. Not even a single movement on his face.  
The sun of my life, I won’t lose it again.  
This was the moment I kept waiting.

‘My precious, my sun; I won’t lose you again’

•


	3. Light

I didn’t know how I passed out.  
Or was it even possible to pass out here? But I opened my eyes and I was in a different place. It looked familiar but I just couldn’t tell.  
I wanted to get up to but a large hand pushed me down to that soft surface.  
It was Ash. He was smiling softy with no worries.

‘It’s okay. You just dozed off, it happens sometimes’ He explained with his calm voice. That’s how I realized we were laying down in a floor bed.   
That sudden excitement comes and goes really fast. The room smelled like we just passed a rainy day.  
It was fresh. The light that was coming from outside was bright, just like it was morning.  
I turned my face to Ash again.

‘Am I really dead?’ I asked, just realizing. His smiling face falls so fast, clouded from sadness.

‘Yeah. You are’ He sounded sadder than I felt. I smiled again.

‘Why a long face? Aren’t you happy we are together again?’   
He didn’t answer. I felt bad that I asked such a stupid question.  
I reached out to his hair and patted his head. I still felt like it was a dream.  
Like he could disappear any moment from my sight, under my hand.

To be honest, I didn’t know how I ended up dying like this. For reminding years, I’ve always thought I would die in a hospital bed with Buddy next to me.  
Just like how my parents passed away.  
Happy, with no burden on their back, with people to see them off to another world.  
When I put my mind to it, did I had anything more to say or to do?  
I don’t think so. I guess, even though I couldn’t bid my farewells on the people I loved, I still had nothing more to do.  
Wasn’t bad, was it?

I tried to turn to Ash’s side but my body felt heavy. He gets up and helped me turn myself like he was helping out a baby who just learned how to move.  
‘I feel...Heavy’ I said.

‘It’s okay. I will help you get over it’

‘It this something like death sick?’ I laughed with the joke I did. My younger also laughed but probably not because he found it funny. 

‘You didn’t get better with jokes’ He said while getting his place back next to me. I rested my head on the pillow and he rested his hand on his temples.  
I felt dizzy. It was a sweet pain I’m my head. The same feeling I felt when I landed in the ground after jumping(. ).  
When you know everything worked out but you’re still not used to the progress.

‘So this how it feels’ I murmured.  
‘This is death’

‘Yeah. This is death’ He even patted my head without thinking that I was older.  
It probably didn’t matter anymore, so I could enjoy it right?

‘I remember the time we talked about death’ He continued with the memory I know.  
‘Back in New York. That time, I also never thought it was something like this. This peaceful’

‘I have to ask’ I said before I looked into his deep, emerald eyes.   
Looking into them was making me want to swallow my words, just be silent, and look into his eyes for hours. No matter who I met in America, I’ve never seen another eye looking this beautiful.  
The way his pupils got bigger when he looks at me, the kindness they carried was worth everything.  
Making me weak in front of him.

‘Why did you let it happen?’ I felt bitter the moment I mentioned it. Didn’t let go of eye contact to stay calm but the pain of that day caught me quick.  
I could tell he also felt that.   
Maybe it was because of this place, I was way too sensitive.  
My voice got effected by my feelings right away.

‘It was because of my letter right?’

‘You...Didn’t blame yourself over it did you?’ I didn’t like the way he answered my question with a question.  
But at the same time, I knew this wasn’t a real question but a scolding.

Must forget how it felt to be scolded by him even though he was younger than me. I was glad to remember but also uneasy with the question.  
So I didn’t answer. After years of inner conflict, I had with myself about it, now I was having a hard time speaking.

‘I just asked myself why I didn’t go to you instead of sending a stupid letter’   
I said. ‘I should have come to you! Even if I needed to craw on four if only I...’

‘Eiji’ He stopped me before I got carried away with touching my face gently.  
The way he looked was caring and serious. I felt loved and weak at the same time. His hand draw circles on my cheek and placed a tuft of my hair back of my ear. I was secretly hoping that he can do this longer, shamelessly being so pleased with my younger one's affection.

‘I didn’t choose the best thing, I’m sorry. But my death had nothing to do with you. If it wasn’t you, I wouldn’t die so happy, with a smile on my face. I ended my life with thoughts of you and left the world with no hard feelings. It was something you did, don’t forget that’

I felt close to cry again. But I hold it in. After waiting and longing for so long, I had no time to lose crying over things that happened to us.  
All those drops of blood we spilled and people we lost. They all mattered.   
But for a little moment, I wanted to forget all those sorrows and focus on the one beautiful thing before my eyes.  
So I didn’t cry but smile.

‘You’ve gotten better with words here didn’t you?’ I tried to joke again.  
But it acted out how pathetic I was with my cracked voice.

He slowly placed his hand on my neck and pulled me closer. I lost my breath immediately as my face was closer to his. And when he put his lips on me, I couldn’t do anything but let some tears fall down.

He wasn’t acting fast, he wasn’t acting harsh, he wasn’t acting so lazy.  
Just showing how much he waited for this moment to happen. Lips were moving on my like he was whispering them the story of our life.  
When I finally acted up to him, it becomes better. All feelings combined between our breaths and gave nothing but pure joy. I reached out to his face.  
Make sure I’m keeping the contact to not lose him under my touch.

And when he breaks that bond between lips, he still kept me close.  
The distance between our faces was a little further than a paper width.  
Our opposite coloured hairs were messed, our eyes were connected to each other.

‘You’re finally here’ He said with teary eyes. ‘You never deserved to die this young! 43, you still had a long way to go, didn’t you? I feel sick to be this happy now’

He was crying. How beautiful he wasn’t hiding his emotions anymore.

‘My wish for my life never came true. The dream of living with you, getting up every day, and being scolded by you about my sleeping. Learning your language and messing with you! Did I want you myself so much? Was that too much?’

‘No! No, Ash, it wasn’t’ I cleaned his face. Gently touching his face. I wanted to touch him, praise him as much as I can. It still felt so perfect to be.

‘I also wanted that life. And it’s okay if I didn’t have it. What’s important is that my end is with you. That’s all matters’  
Fondled his face until his cries got calmer. 

He cried with deep breaths again like he was letting out everything he couldn’t at the mortal world. Pulled him closer and embraced him again. My heavy body shivered but I ignored.  
I was back being 19.  
He was back being 17.  
And he wasn’t hiding a single thing now. Showing every emotion he felt, cry, and smile as much as he wants.  
His hair smelled nice. How come I never noticed that before? 

‘Your hair smells nice’ I murmured. His sobs got better and he finally becomes stable. Breathed deeply, snuggled into me like a little kid he never had a chance to be. Silently rested between my arms, holding onto my clothes.  
Like a baby boy. I patted his head.

‘Ash. I have no regrets’ I said. Like singing a lullaby for his sleep.

‘Even after you, despite the pain, I had to carry, I still enjoyed every single minute I had in my life. I get to meet with others in America again, met with Aki-Chan, and was lucky enough to watch her grown up. Had Sing to help me and he made me go further. Took the photos I wanted to show the world and had amazing memories. It was short but I don’t feel any weight on my shoulders’

I leaned to his ears and whispered.  
‘Let’s forgive ourselves and life. We can’t count our loss in the world but we can cherish the lessons we had from them.  
Ash, let’s never part again. I’m all yours now, forever’

He didn’t answer. But I felt his hand got tighter on my clothes. He slowly raised his head out of my arms and kissed my lips again. I felt like he was thanking my lips for the words I said.   
‘Let’s never be apart’ He repeated.

‘That was something I wanted to tell you when I saw that ticket you bought for me’ He got back to my arms again. 

‘We have all the time now. Can go wherever you want, do wherever you want to go. What you say?’

Smiled. ‘Will I get over death sick?’

With his red, wetted eyes and swollen face with the dearest look to my face; he smiled and nodded. ‘You will feel lighter than air’

‘Then’ I patted his head. ‘I have everything I need. Let me get used to it a little!’

And without my realization, we were both asleep. I kept my eyes open a little longer than he did, just to watch his sleeping face a little. Peace on his face, half often lips and messed hair.   
We were both dead and way away from mortal pains now. But even now I wanted to keep him close and protect him from everything.  
If only we had more time for ourselves to enjoy our youth...

No, as I told before, it was now time to let them go.  
He was here with me, I was here with him. It was time to let go of that sorrow we had now.  
I was no longer angry with anyone.  
I was just happy that I was lucky to know this man in my arms.  
To know him, spend time with him, keep his memories, and finally come back to him.

I was home. And this was the most beautiful end I could have ever get.

‘Ash’ I whispered before I closed my eyes. ‘Welcome back’

Welcome home.

•


	4. Star

'I can't! I...I can't look' Aki cried between her husband's arms. Sing wasn't better, his tears were falling nonstop. He knew he had to be strong for his woman but his heart was in intense pain. He even believed he was suffering more than his wife.

But what's important wasn't his feelings, it was Aki and the baby inside her. So he took a deep breath and did his best to hold on his pain.  
He patted Aki's back. She was so small comparing her height with Sing's, almost like a kid.

'I know baby. I know, calm down'  
He comforts her with his soft words.  
Holding back his tears was like holding back a giant rock on his back. But if he didn't hold it, that rock would run down and crush his wife. So he looked up the ceiling and took some deep breaths.  
Like begging for patience.

'We called him here! Sing we called him here and...'

'No! No, don't think that way' he was talking like he was being Aki to not bring that idea up. He knew both of them would be miserable by that thought. He hugged his wife tight again. 'I beg you, Aki, don't think that way'

'I'm sorry. I'm troubling you!'

'Baby, it's alright' He patted the lady's head. She kept her close until she was breathing calmer. He put one of his hands on the young lady's belly. Felt the little bump there. Kept reminding himself that he had a reason to hold back his pain.  
If Eiji was here, wouldn't he also say the same thing? If he was here...  
Sing dropped some tears uncontrollably. He felt his heart got crushed by the memories of Eiji.

His laugh, his face, his comfort.  
They were all alive in Sing's mind now.  
It was hard to breathe.

'You calm down first, I will take care of it' He finally said with a whisper. Just to hide the pain in his voice.

'You wait here with our son okay?'

'Sing, will you be okay?' Aki looked into her husband's eyes.  
She was still the same foxy lady as she was as a kid. She knew her own pain was nothing compared to Sings.  
He was the one who adored Eiji the most. Knowing that she didn't find it in her heart to let him handle everything on her own.  
She also wanted to help.  
She wanted to bid her farewells to Eiji. 

'I want to...' Sing put his long finger on Aki's lips so shut her.

'Baby, don't worry. Just stay with our son and I will handle it. Don't worry, you will bid your farewell to. Okay?'  
He was talking like Aki was back being a child like they first met. And it worked calming her down. She nods quietly and Sing kissed her nose.

'Good girl. I will be back'

•

Sing's breathe got heavy as soon as he entered the room.  
As soon as his eyes met with Eiji's pale face, his eyes burnt and his heart started to beat like crazy.  
He couldn't move, just stand there and watch the face of the one he cherished without blinking. He was laying there soundless, eyes closed so softly almost like he was daydreaming.  
His face still made Sing's heart feel warm. Who would dare to say he was dead?

Lying on that bed, his grey hair messy on the pillow, eyes closed.  
Like he did back in the days when he said he missed Ash so much. Sing smiled with that memory.  
Sometimes, Sing and Eiji would lie downside to side on the bed.  
Close their eyes and try to remember the best memories they had with Ash.  
Sometimes a small detail about him.  
Sometimes dangerous memories.  
But no matter what kind of memory they recalled, they both would open their eyes teary and smile to each other. With the feeling of nostalgia and weal, they would go out to grab something to eat.

Those days were so beautiful to feel far away. Did Eiji know how much does days meant for this man?  
With honesty, he probably did.   
Sing witnessed the sparks in Eiji's eyes every moment they did that.

He laughed at himself. Maybe it was a stupid idea to act strong. It was clear that he wasn't ready for this.

He slowly walked towards the bed where Eiji was. Sat down next to him and kept looking at him.   
The denial was still inside him, it was still unbelievable to believe now he was laying down here death. He reached out and carefully grabbed his hand. So carefully like he could wake him up.  
The cold feeling made Sing want to scream but he hushed.

'Aren't you always surprising?' He said tearing up. 'You wanted to surprise us by coming here right?'

His words left half as he suddenly noticed something on Eiji's face.  
He blinked a couple of times to check, he was seeing right.  
Eiji was smiling.  
He had the same peaceful smile on his face as Ash did.  
Seeing that, Sing couldn't even make a noise. He sat there his mouth open, keeping his eyes on that smile he saw before. That happy, kind smile now he is afraid to see.  
His tears rushed to his eyes and Sing finally let go of a loud cry.  
He cried out what he holds before Aki and his unborn son. Become his true self in front of Eiji like he used to do.  
Tighten the hand he was holding.  
Now he knew that there was no way to wake him up again.  
That smile was a sign of that.

'Why did you left so early?! Did you miss him that much? Was living really that painful for you? Eiji! Eiji, why?' He spoke without holding back.

'I should have known! I should have taken you from him! Shouldn't let you live with those memories! If only I...I...'

He had no words.  
The door knocked and a doctor came in with a bag. 'Sorry for interrupting'

Sing quickly cleaned his face and greeted the doctor. The old man did the same and passed the bag to him.

'This was with him. I thought you might need it' Sing slowly grabbed the bag.  
It was a little heavier than he thought it would be. He thanked the doctor and waited for him to leave.  
When he and Eiji were alone again, he sits back and opened the bag.

'Excuse me for this' He said like Eiji could answer him back.

His wallet and his passport were all there. There was a small hand sanitizer and all other stuff he took for vacation.  
And a 2 gift boxes.  
That's when Sing got a little confused.  
He didn't expect such a thing from that bag.

He grabbed them and left the bag. One of the boxes was bigger and heavier than the others. He decided to open that one first and carefully opened the box.  
Like he had to respect even the box as the property of the deceased.   
When he managed to open it without harming it, he realized it was a gift for the unborn baby he and Aki were having.

It was a tiny dream catcher.  
It had pink and blue ropes and butterflied on the top. It was the same size as Sing's hands.   
And it was quite cute.  
Sing looked into the box again and saw a note in it. It was Eiji's handwriting and it was Japanese.  
For you to see only good things.  
Sing smiled with what note said and sighed. 'Too cute for a 53-year-old'

This present made him more curious about the other box. If he already bought a present for the baby, what was up with the other one?  
He grabbed it and weighted it on his palm, it was much lighter than the other one. With the same care, he opened it and reached out for what's inside. Something sting to his fingers and he pulled that out.  
It was a star-shaped keychain.  
Sing felt shivers to his spine with it.  
The memories of the talk they had about sun, dawn, and the star came up immediately. The day Eiji said he was a star. He felt the excitement again.  
Quickly checked the inside of the box for a note, as he thought, there was a note. It was written in English.  
For Sing.

He opened it quickly.

‘My dear friend Sing.  
As I do as I think now, this box will be on your hands right before I leave here again. I'm just trying to delay the moment you see that I bought such a lame present for you.  
Sorry, I wanted to buy something better but couldn't find anything that suits what I had in my mind.  
When I was just killing time in China Town, I saw this keychain and can't help but think of you. Some voice inside me kept telling me that was the present I should buy for you.

So I did.  
I hope I didn't disappoint you.  
To be honest, when the news arrived at me about baby, I couldn't help but feel hurt a little.  
Now you have a completely different life from me. You have a beautiful, clever wife and an unborn baby with big potential. I can feel it, that baby will be a real trouble to you with his or her intelligence. I wish you patience already.

I don't want to sound old but it feels like it was just yesterday when you were a 160cm young boy with overflowing energy. With that funny jacket and big, sparkling eyes.  
You really did become your best self, studied, and run a business. I will always be proud of you. Just like I'm now.

And, I will always be grateful.  
I will never forget the kindness and hostility you showed me.  
The days I waited for you to call so I can cook for two, the nights you warned me about finished toothpaste, the mornings you nagged me about getting up late, the minutes we spend remembering the memories we no longer live...I will never forget them.

Thanks to you, I never felt alone since that day. Whenever I felt like I was losing it, you were there.  
It was you who saved me. Thanks to you, I kept living a good life just like my sun wanted me to be.  
Thanks to you, I won't be ashamed of the life I lived after it once I get to meet my sun again. Thanks to you, I felt alive and cared. You mean a lot to me.  
More than you imagine.

Now, you have a new life. A new home and new family. No matter what, I know you will do your best to protect it.  
And no matter what happens, you always have a home to return.  
No matter what, I will treat you like you never left.

Sing Soo-Ling. To me, you're the prettiest star in the universe.  
And no one can replace you.

Thank you.’

And two drops of tears put a period that sentence needed.  
Sing felt light.  
Lighter than he ever felt. He was crying.  
But he felt like it was the best thing to do at that moment.  
He gets his head up to look at his friend's peaceful face again. That smile was still there, almost like comforting the prettiest star in the universe to not ruin himself.

As it was saying it was alright.  
Sing smiled and grabbed Eiji's hand again. 'I'm sorry. I just shouted at you'  
He laughed the way he talked with him as if he was alive. He cleaned his face and put his friend's cold hand on his face. Tears weren't stopping but they were discomforting the man neither.

'You're with Ash right now right? That's why you're smiling. Just like he smiled with the thoughts of you' He said.

'I hope both of you will be happy up there. Having each other every day, never feel scared or ashamed again.  
The life you deserved but didn't have. You waited enough my friend' The hand he holds felt warmer.

'Eiji, you did well. Lived a kind life.  
I will never forget you. I will continue being your star and I will shine for my family. Thanks for staying by my side'

He let go of the hand he was holding. Sniffed and grabbed the bag of Eiji.  
Get up, walked to the door as if he was closing a century of his life.  
Looked back, smiled at the face of a friend.

'Sayonara Eiji' And he returned to where Aki was waiting.

•

Eiji was able to keep his promise to Ash.  
He was with him forever.

•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for giving a chance to this story. Let’s be happy for our favourite characters ^^


End file.
